A Little of This, A Little of That

First of all, I have made a comprehensive list of all the books Zoe already has. As soon as I figure out how to make that widely available, either through here or through our Mobile Me gallery, I will.

Second of all, I want to reassure the none of you who read my last post about not being an adequate girl that I feel a little better now. The hairdresser I went to the other day said she can't blow out her own hair either. So I feel better about my girl skills, although not so confident in her hairdressing skills.

And finally, while I was doing some cleaning up, I saw that I had started a blog when I started trying to get pregnant and there were some interesting posts in there, at least to me, so I'm republishing them here:

December 7, 2007:

I'm trying to get pregnant. I feel like that should start a blog wherein I am 46, not 26, and there's something more to "trying" than "having sex with my husband." But none of that is true. At this point, there's no reason to suspect that the traditional method of trying to get pregnant won't work. Ptooie. (For those of you who are not Jewish, I just spit on my hand to ward off the evil eye.)

This is my second month of trying. Last month, I was absolutely convinced that I'd get pregnant right away. I woke up every morning for a week feeling very hot and slightly nauseous. It meant nothing. In fact, I was probably getting excited about non-existent symptoms. My period was due the day before Thanksgiving, which seemed so exciting to me, to be able to tell my family over Thanksgiving weekend. When it didn't happen, I was more upset than I really should have been. Most people don't get pregnant their first month. So I'm trying not to get all excited this month.

This is also the end of my first quarter of my last year as a grad student. I attend UChicago's Divinity School, and I'll be finishing my MA in June. And then I'm done. I'm not applying to the Ph.d program. I'm simultaneously massively relieved by this, and a little bit edgy.

Not applying for the Ph.d program means that this year, I can be supremely relaxed. No begging for professors' affection. No writing sample to worry about. And I can just enjoy my classes without really being concerned about the grade I'm going to get for them. It's blissful.

On the other hand, I feel like kind of a sellout. And this, of course, speaks to my ambiguity on the staying-at-home-to-raise-kids thing. Plus, I know I can't be a stay-at-home-mom forever, and I'm afraid I won't be good at anything. I was going to say, "anything else," but that's assuming I'm a good graduate student, which I'm evidently not.

So these are the themes this blog will be exploring! Hooray!

December 8, 2007:

I am feeling terribly nauseous again this morning.

It doesn't mean anything.

It doesn't mean anything.

It doesn't mean anything.

December 20, 2007:

I don't have my period yet. It was due Wednesday.

But guys, it doesn't mean anything. I know that. I'm regular like clockwork, but one day is hardly . . .

I'm not excited.

I'm not excited.

I'm not anticipating sly hints and winks at my grandparents this weekend.

Or taking the pregnancy test Sunday morning when my friends are all there.

Because it doesn't mean anything. My period will probably come while I'm out this afternoon.

December 28, 2007:

I took a pregnancy test last week. It came up positive. I'm going to see the doctor today.

Well, that's not true. I'm going to see a lab technician, who will do a more sophisticated (I hope) version of the pee-on-a-stick drugstore test, and probably charge me out the ears for it, and then my insurance probably won't cover it for one reason or another.

But who cares? I (maybe) am pregnant!

So that's interesting. For those of you a little slow on the uptake, or reading this many years in the future, I was, in fact, pregnant, and that pregnancy became Zoe.